sad in buenos aires

upon posting my last blog entry about the party, i was deeply saddened to find out my uncle passed away. i’m sad, a bit angry about him being so young, and so before his time. i’m upset. it just sank in that he’s gone. my father’s family is very close, especially the brothers. there are a total of 5 brothers and 2 sisters. my uncle ted is one of the younger brothers which is why it doesn’t seem right. he suffered this past year with lung and brain cancer, and especially suffered this week. the brothers are incredibly close.
i feel like i should be there with my family.
everything i’m doing down here seems trite in comparison. suddenly everything around me seems to be unreal.
we’re having a fiesta tonite, but i feel it’s the wrong thing to be doing. there’s nothing to celebrate for me right now.
i’m thinking of my family, i’m thinking of my uncle ted’s family especially. my love goes out to you all.
if there is any upside to it for me, it’s that i last saw my uncle playing golf at my sister’s wedding in 2003. i never saw him suffer since i haven’t been home in over a year, and i’ve been travelling for so long now. it feels a bit selfish to be quite honest.
i really don’t know what i should be doing right now.
i want to scream, i want to yell. i want to cry.
i’m glad i never saw him suffer. no one deserves to suffer the way he did. i remember him when i was younger, and he was always the fun uncle, joking around, playing with us. always wanting to have fun. sometimes i think i have the same personality at times just horsing around all the time.
i’m going to miss him very much. my love and condolences go out to tita volet, bong and jeff. a big hug goes out to you all. also to my dad who lost a true brother and friend. i love you mom and dad as well. i don’t say it enough and maybe i’m too caught up in my own head, but it comes straight from the heart.

rest in peace tito teddy. i hope your in a good place and i hope to see you someday smiling and laughing like i always will remember.